before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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