Pappa wants mamma naked
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
