omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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