I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
