I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
