I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I woke up under a house in Key West
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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