I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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