I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
