I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize