I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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