i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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