explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
