if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
