I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm passing your future prison.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
