Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
