i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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