ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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