dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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