Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
