Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize