apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
