I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
