party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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