im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
