i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
