Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
