guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
the room spins SO much faster in panama
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
