We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize