How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
