The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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