Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
