Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Come on in and take your pants off
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