Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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