he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
