guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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