Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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