Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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