her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
