I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Randomize