You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
