the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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