i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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