Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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