I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
