I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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