Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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