His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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