I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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