Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Fuck me I smell like cheese
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
