he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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