found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
