We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
