last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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