there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
