I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
