he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
