The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
