i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
