did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
