as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
