wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
