If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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