Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
