Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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