He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
